Category: lolitics

We forced an AI bot to read all of Andy Street’s speeches – we couldn’t as we are blocked – and asked it to generate one. This is the first page:

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver host John Oliver is known for his viral TV rants about American politics, where he plays on his English outsider status to take pot-shots at President Trump, or ‘Drumpf’ as he’s christened him. In a startling turnaround this week he moved closer to home—and spoke out on Brummie politics. He explained the electoral position in the UK and then launched into a routine all about the battle for the Birmingham Erdington seat in tomorrow’s election. For one reason or another—maybe the US public wasn’t ready to hear Oliver’s take on Cllr Robert Alden, or maybe censorship, or is it all fake news?—it never made it to the screen. But we have obtained a transcript… Take my home town of Erdington, it’s supposed to be a safe Labour seat—that’s the Democrats, slightly angrier in worse clothes, but essentially the good guys—but it …

Last Week Tonight on tomorrow: how John Oliver could get out the vote in Erdington Read More »

You may not think a mayor of the West Midlands is a good thing. We’re getting one on Thursday anyway. The mayor might not yet have all the powers we need to take back that control from Westminster, the devolution deal might not be a real deal for the people of the region. But the mayor will have powers, they’ll have influence, they’ll represent you to the country and the world – and they’ll do that soon after the close of polls on 4th May. There will be choice on your ballot paper, and the choice will be between someone on the side of central government and someone who isn’t. Is central government policy working for Birmingham and the West Midlands? A glance around at the people sleeping on the streets, the closed libraries, the lengthening hospital waiting lists say it isn’t.

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Sutton has a Town council, they were even elected and everything rather that just being the last people propping up the bar at Moor Hall golf club when the motion was passed. The town had a referendum to set it up and allow them to add an additional charge to council tax in the ‘royal town’ – they get £1.8 million a year to spend. But so far they’re struggling to find things to spend it on. They’ve decided to spunk invest half a million on a ‘CBSO play songs from the adverts concert in Sutton Park’—including ways to keep people without B72-76 postcodes out—but still £1.3 million remains. With the financial year end approaching from behind there are rumours of wolves circling with things like ‘civic wifi plans’ that will cost almost exactly the right amount. We reckon there are better options. This is what £1.3 …

Royal flush: Sutton’s town council awash with sponds Read More »

Apologies to Conservative (yes, who knew?) mayoral candidate Andy ‘Mr John Lewises’ Street for this image macro. In a previous version we originally suggested the Tories had cut £.13bn from councils in the West Midlands Combined authority. The actual figure is at least ten times that at £1.3bn. £1.3bn which — ironically for a campaign that is ‘shy Tory’ — is a conservative estimate as it includes some councils only up to 2104 and excludes police, fire and health service cuts in the area. You can see the figures here. Please share this image and not the previous one, many thanks.

Villa’s defence have been doing the mannequin challenge since last season, way before the current craze started. And Birmingham is always ready to jump on such a bandwagon for promotional purposes, but what would a Birmingham mannequin challenge look like? Luckily we’ve got a leaked email from internet marketing guru Andre de Jong… To: John.Clancy@birmingham.gov.uk From: Andre.De.Jong@zaphiks.in Re: Forward while standing still! 29th November 2016 11:03 Hey John Clancy! How’s everything going? Not too worried that the new metro mayor will usurp all your powers? Good job on hiring Paul Dale btw, all the better to neuter any scrutiny. Anyway, Andre here, we met at the social media cafe thing, where the students are students and the PR people are nervous. We’ve been brainstorming a thought shower for you on the new internets sensation. And the best bit is you don’t have to do anything at all. …

Birmingham’s Mannequin Challenge—Forward whilst standing still Read More »

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Continuing the hot 2016 meme of unsecure private political comms, here’s another hacked correspondence from digital experience agency Zaphiks to their biggest client To: Andy.Street@greaterbrumminghamlep.com From: Andre.De.Jong@zaphiks.in Re: Christmas Teasers — #boingboing 8th November 2016 14:02 Hi Andy, How’s the shop going? I hope it is ready for Christmas because my goose is fat. As you know the advert for your shop is super important for Christmas. So we started today the teaser campaign. It is very cool. The campaign is called “Boing Boing” and we went big on the #boingboing hashtag for it today.  I think some people think we made a mistake because we didn’t realise that the football fans of West Bromwich use this hashtag all the time, but actually it’s all part of the plan. The advert isn’t about a dog, that’s just a red Hollandse nieuwe haring. We’re bringing Christmas to the Midlands! Yes actually the advert …

#boingboing — John Lewis comes to WBA Read More »

Psychologists say that your answer to this problem reveals a lot about you. There is a runaway trolley barreling down the railway tracks. Ahead, on the tracks, there are five people tied up and unable to move. The trolley is headed straight for them. On Camp Hill are the Camp Hill chords, next to a lever. If you pull this lever, the trolley will switch over the Camp Hill chords. However, you notice that there is one person on the side track towards Moseley. The Camp Hill chords, however are not open. Given that Martin Mullaney and the Labour lot have been promising the reopening of the Moseley and Kings Heath stations in a war of pledges to outdo each other for the last 15 years, despite it actually being in the gift of Centro (who are about to be shut) and now the WMCA who are …

South Birmingham Trolley Problem Read More »

The zaphiks servers just aren’t secure… To: Andy.Street@greaterbrumminghamlep.com From: Andre.De.Jong@zaphiks.in Re: All hail the Mayor!!! 9th September 2016 12:01 Hi Andy, How’s the shop going? I hear in the news that you fancy a knock at the big job, that’s super. Given your work in a similar but totally accountable position for the last few years I’m sure you have what it takes. Don’t listen to the naysayers, Andy, nor the voters! You’ll need a media guy, it’s all about the advertising these days. Post-truth politics is the new thing so we can just lie all day. AND I still have Dion Dublin’s phone number, can you play dube cube Andy? We could get a load with your logo on. I’ve already thought of some some slogans for you. How about: Taking back control (for exchange only within 28 days of purchase) ‘Best Midlands’, or something, it …

Andy Street unveils WM mayor bid – we’ve got a leaked campaign email Read More »

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Every brummie has as much of a stake, and as much of a say, in deciding who runs the USA as they do in deciding who runs the council. As primary season swings into gear, it’s important to know what prospective Democratic Party nominees think of B-Town, so we present this primer for you: Bernie: Birmingham is a great city. I always think of it as England’s ‘Mo-town’, and like Detroit it has a history of industry and musical invention. As progressives we must stand together to preserve that legacy for everyone. This great city’s Floridian policies have secured a growing and prosperous young middle class but we mustn’t lose sight of the needs of those outside of it: the old, the sick, those out of work, and those young people who lack the skills and connections needed to work in creative industries. And let’s not forget …

Bernie or Hillary: Birmingham Read More »