101 Things Birmingham Gave The World. No. 61: Indie Coffee Shops and their Fucking Lovely Cupcakes

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Bone-idle Brummies have been loitering in coffee shops since way before the likes of Starbucks came over here with their 87,000 different drink combinations; getting our names wrong and shirking their corporation tax.

There were several coffee shops in Brum as far back as the ‘50s, with exotic-sounding names such as The Kardomah, El Torro, The Mexicana, The Gi-Gi, and The (um) Scorpion. The only decision to be made was “one lump or two”, and everyone’s name was bab.
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Picture Quiz No. 2: I don’t know if it’s a Banksy but I like it

Sutton Coldfield is abuzz today with people asking if this piece of graffiti is a genuine Banksy, and others saying “don’t be fucking stupid why would he do that on the back of the Bank of Cyprus?” and yet others saying “You what love? Graffiti? I don’t hold with that sort of thing” and then banging on about when Birmingham took over in the 1970s.

Banksy is a street artist known for producing politically provocative pieces in a distinctive style that can be easily reproduced. If this is a Banksy piece, just what does he mean by the image of a peace dove flying towards a small child playing volleyball? Is it a comment on Sutton’s struggles for independence, like when he did a bit in Palestine?

How well do you know your Banksy from your pranksy?

In our super picture quiz we ask how well you know street art by asking you: is it a Banksy?

Here are six pieces of street art from around Birmingham – some better known than others – the challenge is to guess which one is a Banksy. Click reveal for the answers.

How many of them did you get? Tell us with the hashtag #srslyitsnotabanksy

Custard Factory

Is it a Banksy?

No.

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The longest German Market planning email thread in Europe

Due to the unique way that Service Birmingham’s email security systems are funded, this correspondence about the Council’s festive plans has somehow been CC’d to us. It’s just nice to see that they actually plan things.

From: Albert.bore@bham.gov.uk

To: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de

Re: Das Markt

1st October 2014 11:01

Dear Jurgen,

I hope this finds you well. I’m conscious that it’s October and that we will shortly need to begin the process of planning for this year’s German Market. So we can get the ball rolling at our end I’d like to hear some your ideas for new product lines for 2014 that reflect changes in local and national culture and events.

As you know, the council are facing a dire financial situation so I’d be particularly pleased to hear of ways you plan to boost revenue this year.

Kind regards,

Albert

 

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Birmingham from below

In our super picture quiz we ask how well you know Birmingham’s landmarks and whether you can recognise them from an image taken from Google UnderEarth and at least six foot under.
Here are six famous Birmingham buildings and sites – some better known than others, the challenge is to see how many of these landmarks you recognise. Click reveal for the answers.

How many of them did you get? Tell us with the hashtag #brumfrombelow

1. His Lordly domain

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The Lord Whitby Room at the new Library of Birmingham, with the Lord himself sitting in residence. Taken from three floors underneath, if you squint hard you can just recognise Mike himself with his trousers round his ankles.

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Great Brummie Chat Up Lines, No. 2: Trevor Eve and the tattoo collection

The 70s. When men were real men and real men were Brummies. Trevor Eve, of Sutton Coldfield, may have been working on a shoestring but this is a class gambit. The video below will start just at our highlight (15mins in), but try to make time to watch it all so that you can enjoy Christopher Biggins, Toyah, Linda Bellingham, a young Pete Beale and Gary Holton (later of Auf Wiedersehen Pet) – and also so you can see if he takes him up the Ackers.

You’ve got a nice collection there, wife doesn’t object then?

101 Things Birmingham Gave The World. No. 60: Words

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We are dismayed quarterly, when the Oxford English Dictionary appears to show no restraint in adding the latest fad neologisms, such as “selfie” (not to be confused with any photo of a person), “hashtag” (not to be confused with the hash symbol), and “flexitarian” (not to be confused with a word you can say without sounding like an idiot). Although it did take them until this year to add Blu-Tack as both a noun and a verb. I Blu-Tack, you Blu-Tack, he Blu-Tacks, she Blu-Tacks… You never see white tack any more do you?

Well all these ‘orrible abbreviations, port-manteaux, and proprietary eponyms are kind of our fault, for which we are truly sorry aka sozzlebobbles (probably). We may not like them, but words are all [we] have, as those Bee Gees might have said.

Back in the early 18th Century, a fella named Thomas Warren opened a bookshop on the High Street. He also decided to publish Birmingham’s first weekly newspaper, the Birmingham Journal. In response to his Brummie colleagues’ spelling and grammar fails, one of the contributing journos, pedant Samuel Johnson, went on to write one of the first ever dictionaries of the English language, called A Dictionary of the English Language (rather pedantically). It was “one of the greatest single achievements of scholarship” and “among the most influential dictionaries in the history of the English language”.

Sadly, it hasn’t improved the standards of our local press.

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Great Brummie Chat Up Lines, No. 1: Martin Shaw and the café sink

The 70s. When men were real men and real men were Brummies. Here’s a professional pick up line from Martin Shaw, of Erdington. You’ll find it at around 42 seconds into this video but try to make time to watch it all so you can see if he takes her up the Ackers.

I Stopped at a café on this road once.

The owner kept telling me about this fantastic new sink he’d just had installed. Kept insisting I tried it. Filled it up. No problem. Washed my hands and face. Fine. Pulled the plug out. And the water ran all over my shoes.

 

Birmingham: 14 in 14 for the Tory Party Conference

For the people visiting the Tory Party Conference in Birmingham this week, our city’s marketeers are offering a fact pack which includes  “15 IN 15” (their unusual “public relations” “quotes”): 15 things about Birmingham in 2015. We’ve noticed that it’s 2014, actually, so for Tories and political journalists up for a jolly (have you seen how to write an article about Brum by the way?) here are 14 things you should know about the city whose lap dancing bars you’ll be in for the next few days:

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Burn your house to the ground: why you need to kill your darlings to maintain your independence

I’m Howard. I’m part of this here Birmingham miscellany called Paradise Circus – an ongoing love letter to a battered city. Paradise Circus writes, films, photographs, draws, makes and records things about Birmingham. I am, we are, Jon Bounds and Jon Hickman, Craig Hamilton and Danny Smith, and a number of other people who want to contribute to a conversation about what the city is, was, and could be. We weren’t always Paradise Circus and we used to be famous. We could have been contenders, but we threw it all away. You should too. And in this article, originally published on Contributoria (CC licensed), I’m going to tell you why.

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