The Paradise Circus Official Guide to the Quarters of Birmingham

Struggle to identify the areas, suburbs, Quarters, Triangles or Miles in Birmingham? Struggle no longer with our official infographic:

The Paradise Circus Official Guide to the Quarters of Birmingham Infographic

Click to embiggen.

Key

1 Eastside
Formerly known as Digbeth.
2 Southside
Also known as ‘The Gay Chinese Quarter’.
3 Northside
Shall we take a trip?
4 Westside
Didn’t Ali G used to say this, or Mike Whitby or some other comedy character?
5 North-by-Northwestside
A masterclass in suspense.
6 South-by-Southwestside
Twinned with Texas, by means of free holidays for ‘digital people’.
7 Irish Quarter
They like a drink, and we let them out one weekend a year.
8 Jewellery Quarter
Young couples investing all their hopes in this stuff. Cash for gold.
9 Beorma Quarter
We think this one is somewhere by the Bull Ring.
10 Gun Quarter
Shh, let’s not mention this one.
11 Rubin Carter
Put in a prison cell, but at one time he coulda been champion of the World.
12 Balti Triangle
The only quarter shaped like a triangle.
13 Half of Mild Triangle
Apart from this one.
14 Blue WKD® #bantz Golden Mile
Pants optional.
15 Gothic Quarter
Saturdays and School Holidays only. Come and see goths in their natural habitat.
16 Hipster Quarter
Please bring your own quinoa and red trousers.
17 Arson Quarter
Coming soon – contemporary one and two bedroom apartments in the heart of King’s Heath.
18 Junior Hipster Quarter
Temporary pop-up Quarter. Try the street food.
19 No Quarter
The drinking haunts of Jon Bonham.
20 Architectural Vandalism Quarter
Local heart, global city.
21 Brogues, Jeans and Turned-Up Collars Quarter
Where they play rugby, and doctors and nurses.
22 Detroit Quarter
It’s a growth area.
23 Doesn’t Want To Be In Birmingham Quarter
Best you learn your fucking place.
24 Quaker Quarter
Sugar is good, but don’t ferment it.
25 The ‘Musical Youth’ Quarter
They’re under heavy heavy manners yeah.
26 Steve Winwood Quarter
It’s a two horse race, only UKIP and the BNP can win here!
27 Trevor Francis Quarter
If wet, Jasper Carrott.
28 Dogging Quarter
The hills are alive.
29 The Home of Metal
The ancient family seat of all four quarters of Black Sabbath.
30 Charlie Chaplin Quarter
He stayed at the Barton Arms (or was it Laurel & Hardy? We forget).
31 The Venetian Quarter
Incorporates the Bill Clinton Had A Pint Here Once Quarter.
32 French Quarter
Home to Chez Jules, Baguette Du Monde AND Cafe Rouge.
33 No, Not That One Quarter
They come here for the light.
34 Sir Jeff Lynne Quarter
Shard End’s own Jeff is now a big noise in California. No, not that one.
35 North Birmingham
About which the least said the better.

By Howard Wilkinson

Director of Satire, Paradise Circus.

Howard adds stability at the top, taking a strategic overview of operations whilst also stepping in from time to time in a caretaker author role.

Director of Satire, Paradise Circus.

Howard adds stability at the top, taking a strategic overview of operations whilst also stepping in from time to time in a caretaker author role.

  • You forgot the Quarter Quarter. Inhabited by people who are mathematically inept.

  • Berk Bonebonce

    Where is the Quartermaster?